just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
