So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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