There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
