Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
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She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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