I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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