i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
