shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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