Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
