There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
