I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
