he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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