Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
