i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
