i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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