i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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