Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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