Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
