The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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