you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
