Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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