i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
