woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
