I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
