in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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