I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
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when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
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I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
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