you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
how does that bad decision feel?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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