I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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