I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
