my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dignity is for republicans.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
