guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
