Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize