I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
