I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We have started to decorate penises.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
