took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
