and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
