Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
