I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you're hired as official boob wrangler
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
