last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
