I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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