this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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