Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
