My liver just broke up with me...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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