Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
