I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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