oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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