I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
