I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
