They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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