i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
