Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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