its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
