Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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