He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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