we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
