he wants to bone in the snuggie
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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