I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
