have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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