I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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