He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
