after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
