I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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