we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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