you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
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You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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