youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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