You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
