Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
