How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
