saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
