i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
