Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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