If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
