The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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